First Coffee of the Day Review
🦩📜 Nonsense Chronicler’s Review of the First Cup of Coffee (as sipped by a pink flamingo in velvet slippers) 📜🦩
Date: 06 September, Year of the Slightly Confused Hedgehog
Subject: The First Cup of Coffee of the Day
Brewed by: A sentient kettle named Gerald who hums Miles Davis when nervous
Reviewed by: The Nonsense Chronicler Pink Flamingo
Review:
Ah, the sacred chalice of wakefulness! The flamingo approached it with the reverence of a librarian discovering jazz. One sip—and the universe hiccupped.
- ☕ Aroma: Like a jazz funeral held in a cinnamon forest.
- ☕ Taste: Bold. Brazen. Slightly accusatory. Notes of walnut, regret, and a whisper of last Tuesday’s dreams.
- ☕ Texture: Velvety, with the mouthfeel of a well-read velvet curtain.
- ☕ Aftertaste: Lingering hints of existential clarity, followed by a sudden craving for interpretive dance.
Side Effects Noted:
- Flamingo began reciting blues poetry to a spoon.
- Gerald the kettle achieved enlightenment and now refuses to boil below 92°C.
- The café’s wallpaper briefly turned into a Cubist mural of flamingos doing taxes.
Final Verdict:
This coffee does not merely awaken—it summons. It is the trumpet blast at the gates of dawn, the caffeine-fueled manifesto of a bird who wears monocles unironically. Five out of five surreal squawks.
Coffee to avoid
As Pink has written the blog entry I, the Lilac Rhino will give a short review.
ReplyDeleteLilac Rhino Review: “First Coffee of the Day”
A velvet-slippered flamingo meets caffeine’s cosmic trumpet blast.
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☕ Opening Charge
The lilac rhino snorts approval. This isn’t just a coffee review—it’s a surrealist charge into the dawn, brewed by Gerald, a sentient kettle who hums Miles Davis when nervous. The flamingo’s sip doesn’t just awaken—it rewires the wallpaper into Cubist tax scenes and turns spoons into blues muses.
🦏 Final Stomp
This brew is a caffeine incantation. It doesn’t just wake you—it initiates you into the cult of caffeinated absurdity. The lilac rhino gives it five velvet stomps and a trumpet solo in honor of Gerald’s enlightenment.
Meanwhile in Ogmore
ReplyDeleteHaving finished his last chore
Sipped Maharaja Rich
The days last coffee which
He had brewed with precision and poise
When he heard a crashing noise
Alarmed he spilled his brew
Swore his intruder would rue
The evening’s disturbance
And then oh what a performance With his blunderbuss antique
His actions frantic
He thundered out
And guess who he saw about?
Twas Pink & feathered
Although somewhat bedraggled, weathered
Saxophone in hand, a Flamingo
Was tapping out a crazy rhythm with his toe
Meanwhile by the yonder crashing breakers
A couple of undertakers
Where glaring at
His time travel pod that
Lay in smithereens over a coffin
Of a retired boffin
‘Help me!’rasped the bird
In this situation absurd
Please call the Lilac Rhino
From the planet Burino
to be continued…