The Ballad o’ Hog Monet
(In my finest fake Scottish and dedicated to Anoushka who was celebrating the New Year in Edinburgh in true Hogmanay verve) By Maharaja Miku the Bear Bard Och, up the Monroes o’ Caledonia, Where the mist rolls thick and grey, There wandered a weary Frenchman lad Wi’ an easel tae light his way. He’d painted lilies till kingdom come, Till them petals drove him mad, So he donned the tartan o’ ancient Picts And declared, “I’ve had it, lads.” Through heather wild and bracken brown He stomped wi’ a painter’s roar, Cryin’, “No more ponds! No more blooms! Bring forth the noble boar!” And lo, in the fog o’ New Year’s morn, A snorting beast appeared A wild wee hog wi’ a muddy grin And a backside Monet revered. He painted it thrice in swirling strokes, In colours fierce and free, Till the Highlands echoed far and wide: “Behold! Hog Monet’s spree!” So raise a dram tae the misty hills Where legends love tae stray For somewhere still, a Pictish Frenchman Paints boars at break o’ day. © 2025 Mik...